What's That Riding on Your Everything?: Another Totally Reasonable 'Unreasonable' Fear

Bees.

God fucking damn it I hate them oh so much. Seriously, ask any of my friends. I'll flip my shit if one comes near me.
However, many may ask why, since bees are a common fear after all people are allergic... But I'm not, at least I don't know if I am because I have never been stung. I quite pride myself in this little known fact about me, but yes, I have gone 18 years of my life without ever knowing the horrible deathly pain of a fat pulsating poison spitting bee stinger in my flesh. Mommy confirms the years I don't remember.
So why am I afraid? Well, I have the (sometimes) blessing of having four older siblings to fuck up for me to see, and learn from. This includes bees.
Story #1: Jennifer + Hornet-Pants
So one summer in the early 2000s my sister was getting ready to go out with her boyfriend at the time. I'm innocently sitting upstairs with my eyes glued to the colorful picture box (the TV) when I hear her pained screams fill our not so large house.
Turns out when she went to change her pants, there was a hornet in her jeans and it got stuck right around her knee. Then proceeded to sting her about ten times. TEN MOTHER FUCKING TIMES!!
Her cries of horror and the swollen red knee was enough to haunt my dreams for months.

Story #2: Matthew mows a nest
Yeah, this story is pretty much exactly how it sounds. My brother was outside mowing the lawn when he ran over an underground bees nest. Yeah, they happen underground, look it up. So anyways he's innocently mowing what is usually the like of a rainforest and then I hear his shouts for me to come open to the door for him. When I reach the screen door he's sprinting around the yard like a mad man and I hear the sound of the horrible things and can see a cloud following him. I open the door (bravely) and he sprints inside. A few follow him so I bolt upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom armed with a can of Raid.

Story # 3: The infestation of our house by wasps
Yeah, so we used to live in this two-story yellow house. It was fairly decent and I'm surprised my mom managed to feed five kids and keep it in mostly good repair. However, things would be missed, like a small hole in the wall under our big red deck.
One day I start noticing that a whole lot of wasps have started to make a general routine out of giving me a heart attack. So I tell mom, who admits she too has noticed the increased number of hell-demons.
Now, my mother, crafty as she is, enlists the help of our family-friend Paul and they go on an epic adventure to discover the fountain of wasps... err where they are getting in.
The discovery was that of an uncovered light socket, directly on the other side of the wall from a hole in which a wasp nest has been built. Oh, and as they are looking in the socket, a wasp fucking crawls out of it. There were wasps. IN MY HOUSE!
NOT
COOL

Story # 4: Did I outgrow this fear? NO
There was one summer where I actually gained control of my fear. I was sitting on the patio with my mother having a chit-chat when a wasp. No, not a bee, but a big scary wasp landed on my foot. I sat quietly and observed it. Sure, I stared wide-eyed and was completely motionless until it left.
But it happened.
This was a short-lived victory, for this encounter seemed to have kicked my fear back into high drive. One day I was innocently making myself some noodles when I look to the handle of the pan to see a big fatty hornet sitting on it. War ensues. It involved a lot of scrubbing bubbles, several mad dashes up tot he bathroom, the fly-swatter (with which I am useless) and a phone call to Joslyn with me in tears.
Then there was the time I was running errands last summer only to discover a bee had flow into my car. To which my response was to immediately drive to work (I was close by) and force my friend Mike to stop cooking and come murder the little bastard for hitch hiking in my back window.

So those are only four of TONS of horrifying bee stories I have.
I also get this question a lot, why are you afraid of bees when you like spiders so much?
Well, one, spiders are cool and really interesting. And the ones you really have to worry about can only occupy the space on the walls and floor (most are not good at ceiling clinging). Bees fill up all the space between. It's volume vs. area dude. Simple logic.
But, being a nature enthusiast I tend to watch discovery channel. This has not helped my sanity or stress levels at all. I found out about Africanized Honey Bees. Yeah, you know the ones, they are like violent overprotective hormonal teenagers with pointy things on their asses and aren't afraid to use them. There happens to be billions of them because of some shit-head scientist that decided to mess with nature and made some fucking pissed off bees.
That swarmed on up to the US.
Great. Oh but the scariest kind of flying horror machine is the Japanese Giant Hornet.